All things end, and so, to, does the first semester of the 2018-2019 fall semester. This end is close at hand, but it is not the end itself that brings about the frenzied, stressful school days so many people are experiencing at high school around the country. Rather, this end is anticipated, as the true source of this stress is the educational manifestation of that end: Finals.
Now, at Minarets, finals take on a very different form. The school prides itself for its project-based learning; and as such, most classes have final projects instead of final tests. Regardless, the last few weeks heading into the end of the semester brings with it lots of deadlines- and with lots of deadlines comes lots of stress. The question then, is, how can students best manage this stress? And what strategies can be employed to most mitigate it?
Stress takes many different forms. It is an aspect of our minds, and despite the commonalities between all humans, everyone’s brain works differently. Robert Kelly, the psychology teacher at Minarets, spoke about stress and its many forms in a recent interview. He began with saying that, despite its immediate negative connotations, stress isn’t always bad. Stress is motivation. Stress pushes you, and being pushed can have amazing results.
But being pushed, he warned, can also do the opposite. The moment stress becomes anxiety or depression is the moment that it’s gone too far. When taken too far, stress can lead to these negative aspects, and even to suicide.
There were mainly two common themes during the discussion about these issues with teacher Kelly. The first being that of empathy versus sympathy. This is an important distinction to make. Sympathy is something that most people seems to directly understand, and articulate into words. Sympathy is saying “I’m sorry,” or “that sucks”. Empathy is feeling the emotion along with the person struggling. Sympathy is extrinsic. Empathy is intrinsic. In one way they are two sides of the same coin, and in another they are opposites.
This distinction is often not made clear, and as a result of that, many mistakes are made. People forget to look for empathy. As Mr. Kelly said, this is easier said than done. But too often students who are struggling with serious emotional turmoil are brushed off by others who say things like, “Everyone goes through that in high school, get over it,” or “suck it up,” or “It could be worse”
This is never the right thing to do. “We need to be aware of the people who are in trouble. We can’t ever dismiss a kid,” were teacher Kelly’s exact words on that matter. Often times, motivational speakers will come to schools and speak about the seriousness of suicide and depression. And oftentimes, these speeches amount to no more than “if you see someone who is upset, give them a high five”. But depression, anxiety, and stress, are different than that. If you see someone who’s upset, reach out to them. Say hi. Ask their name, or make mundane, everyday conversation. Talk to them about sports, music, video games, anything. Because most likely, a person who’s in crisis is far too overwhelmed by what is going on inside of themselves to reach out. And… that comes to the second point. If you are the one in crisis, talk to somebody. Make a connection.
David Elm, a multi-subject teacher at Minarets, had advice to give to struggling students. “Even if you don’t think someone will help, still talk, you never know if they could help sometimes they surprise you. Not a lot of cold hearted people go into teaching- they’re teachers because they want to help students.”
And it’s true. Never hesitate to ask for help.
And yet, when you are in crisis… it’s not easy. Asking for help means laying yourself bare, it means trusting someone despite all of your instincts screaming for you to focus on handling it yourself. It means facing your deepest and darkest unassailable walls of pain, that literally feel physical as you try to work yourself up to tell someone.
It’s not something an outside person can truly understand. Emotion is a matter of individual perception. But in the end, other people don’t need to truly understand. There are people out there who will listen anyway, who will love you anyway, and who will make you smile anyway.
It is important to understand that it is okay to not be okay. You’re life may feel battered, broken, and hopeless. But no matter what, no matter the situation, no matter the strife, there is light at the end of this tunnel. No matter the amount of abuse, or hate, or stress that piles on top of your back and beats you down, there is hope shining through the madness.
Talk to someone.
It’s cliche, it’s oversaid.
But it helps.
So for those currently dealing with an intense emotional struggle, find someone to talk to. A teacher. A school counselor, or a professional therapist. And if you aren’t comfortable with that, text a hotline. They aren’t just for emergencies, and it is an amazing opportunity to release turmoil and stress, and let go of your pain by telling someone else, without the worry of an in person interaction. Therapists and counselors are required by law to keep everything confidential unless you’re safety is directly in jeopardy, everything you say will be protected. So talk to someone. Make a connection, even if it doesn’t involve talking about that deep inner turmoil. And for those of us who are not currently struggling? Focus on the distinction between sympathy and empathy. Try to feel with other people. Don’t brush others off. Don’t just feel for them, feel with them. It’s easier said than done. But it can be done. Make a connection.
Talk.
And for everyone:
Have hope.
There is help, and there is hope. Feel free to contact one of these numbers to get help, whether for yourself, or someone you know. Don’t hesitate to ask:
Crisis Hotline Website: https://www.crisishotline.org/
Call: 832-416-1199 Text: 281-201-4430
Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255